the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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