I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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