I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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