WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
whose parrot is this?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
