Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
