So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
