As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
