No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
