I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
