i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
