FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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