I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
