Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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