Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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