So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
