I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
