I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
