Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
