So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
