so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
