I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
