why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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