3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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