i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
high people should be assigned attendants
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
