New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
