I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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