so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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