the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
