I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
