SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
