i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i think i just lost a toe
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
