rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
