Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you have feelings for this penis?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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