Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
