When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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