i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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