I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
