I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
