I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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