no you cant smoke seaweed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Randomize
