Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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