the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im holly from the hills drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
