haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
