Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
