woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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