Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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