I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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