just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
