ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
