He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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