That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
