It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
