She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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